You fooled me into loving you
your love so intense
when you are
left me even for a day
took over my
I needed you but
I am not the only one u
there are so many
They are so
You will love anyone that
lets you in…
27 February, 2012
Well I moved out of the house the wife and I shared .. It is not the fault of us that things are the way they are and for an x con , I am used to change like moving from one prison to another I guess.. I just feel as though my heart is okay.. Like I know that it is not over… but is it ? I miss the both of them a lot. I talked to Lydiah ( my step daughter ) yesterday and it was the hardest phone conversation I had since I had to tell my g-Dad that I was locked up again..
Now being an x con you would think ( because of stereotypes) that I would turn right back into a drug using fool but no that is not where I am going.. Not gonna do the old one addiction for another deal.. I am just going to better myself. it is hard prison has done something to me kinda positive in this case real positive but in the same way negative. I do not care to go back though I know I could handle it and that my friend is most x- cons down fall . But because I do not want to hurt my family and frankly I am liking my freedom. As an X con I wanted to tare that house slam on up.. I wanted to break her little nick knacks say mean things in a letter u know the whole 9.. But I do not like hurting feelings I have nothing bad to say about her and My family loves me and that would hurt them to know that I was a fool or my anger created a fool. So I just prayed for her and her child .. Sounds lame but as a Rasta the wisdom and knowledge I have earned goes a long way.. Knowing that by doing right I not only prove my heart to my self but it builds higher self Character .When you do wrong you lose something inside your self it becomes harder to do right.. Things are viewed by your self differently hard to believe but it is true.. I know not how to feel or act.. I just let JAH JAH guide me through YESHUA AKA JESUS ..
A lot of things in life is the almighty teaching you things and watching ( per say ) to see how you handle things just remember trials and tribulations are wisdom builder if you let them.. They can also cause you harm if you make the wrong choices . Best part is you know what choice to make …
People I do this blog because through my pain and struggles I hope to help someone .. I have never hurt as bad as I do without my Cara so when I learn something I hope you do too and maybe just maybe I did help someone …
- Yeshua or Jesus (acatholicdad.wordpress.com)
Every one wanna say how hard it is to make it in this hard hard world… All you need is wisdom to make it.. With her you KNOW how you can support your family.. You KNOW which people to associate with and which one’s you can not help.. It would be wise though to try and help everyone but there is an art to helping someone without damaging yourself.. And the teacher of that art WISDOM … The ancient texts refer to wisdom as a woman like she was always around even before Adam… Wisdom is the female companion of JAH the Father.. !! Not his lover but his companion like a best friend.. After all Earth must be his wife he made his sons and daughters by breathing life into dust which is part of Earth, right.. Hence the phrase aaa yes Mother Earth !! You see the Rasta man dig deep huh .. Makes sense but why does the christian preacher hide this from you ?? Control of the people is why..And really this does not affect your salvation but knowledge is power and to control the people they can not have to much power ya dig … ?? Think about this when was the last time the preacher told you something while preaching and you actually went and made sure he was speaking the truth about it.. ?? When my problems arise i always call upon the most HIGH JAH … Through the high priest and the son of YAH ( JAH ) I and you as well may speak to JAH .. Some he speaks back to through YESHUA .. ( JESUS ) others he only listen but helps them in a different ways maybe answering prayers things of that nature .. When YAH speaks back that is something not to be shared in words with others ( for me anyway) I feel like I am tempting JAH maybe bragging or even being kind of cocky so I keep it to myself unless telling the wife something.. I must realize that I am just a follower of the most HIGH and must keep that in mind , he is not going to let me hurt to long .. In the same aspect remembering that suffering brings about things even answers to prayers.. We have to lose something to gain something .. . Whether it be time money a lesson learned we suffered or lost something every time we gained just thing about that one .. YAH will never put to much on you never forget that and when you come through your trial and tribulation you are stronger and have gained knowledge wisdom and felt or gained some JAH love ..
I really am having the worst block I ever had with my damn writing. I’d like to str8 up complain and go off about my step daughter‘s father who has been hitting her with a paddle when she poops her self SHE IS 3 !!! AND IT IS A PADDLE.. This guy is so dumb and he thinks that my wife (who is the mother of his child ) is so stupid when in reality it is him that is stupid.. He even has that stupid look about him.. You guys know what I am speaking about.. But anyway when it comes to the children they are the future of Earth .. You have to cultivate your children like crops.. Reason being is you do not want a harvest that is rotten.. Same as a child. In this world words spoken are heard but actions are seen and we act more than speak. And kids are watching and they learn from you .. You never win an argument with words because even if you prove yourself right there will be animosity because the other person may feel foolish so just go on with life and make sure that when that person is around your actions prove your point .. I have to take my own advice. I get so frustrated to because i feel as though I am letting things take a back seat that I like to do such as writing. I also feel lazy because I have not been studing the word of JAH like I should and I can not stand that. And of course I have not been reading my fiction books. I get str8 up tired of my balance being screwy .. I love to write as well I know my thoughts can be interesting after all I been through a lot. Sometimes i feel like prison was easy at least I had time to read and study JAH’s word . I do have time now I just get tired and from my medicine my eyes get blurry and I nod out …Normally I do not get on and whine about things but I have to vent a little bit .. I do not want to say to much because I wouldn’t want to damage his name if it is a misunderstanding .. I always turn to the all-mighty even when things are going good. It is important that we keep a relationship with JAH because I believe we can hurt JAH .. He loves us and we go ignoring him when life is going good it hurts JAH I really believe that he does say he is a jealous GOD so why can’t his feelings get hurt.. i will say this since I have been keeping faith and really wanting to do right I find that my desire to do wrong has disappeared .. I just can not do certain things that are evil …… Not saying I do not sin, it’s that I no longer care to plot wrong doing. I just can not !!!!
Just watching Judge Judy.. Which is kinda not by choice but now I am interested.. There is two teens fighting because the now ppl will get mad but this is the facts jealous fat girl decided to text the skinny but not to pretty girls BF and tell him that his gf kissed her brother … Than that fat girl played the damn victim role when she got her butt kicked.. Claimed that she was bullied ,… REALLY If she did not have the phone for 1 this would not have happened so quick .. ( they could have thought it over if there was more time ) But really some teens and this ignorant fat one and stupid skinny one were 18 .. I thought old enough to handle the freedom of communication.. But I guess some not all of these kids can not handle it.. Are deaths soon to be or already associated with ignorant people texting nonsense to start trouble .. WHAT I AM SAYING IS PARENTS JUDGE YOUR KIDS WAYS BEFORE HANDING THEM A WEAPON .. YES NOW I SEE A CELL PHONE CAN BE A WEAPON.. I AM ONLY 33 AND I NOW SEE HOW DUMB KIDS AND I AM NOT FAR FROM ONE ( AGE WISE ) CAN BE
I was doing some relax time so I have not been video blogging or any kind for about a week now.. But last week I did have some thoughts over something I would like to share .. First I did make a video that y’all might enjoy.. It is of a wonderful little dancer I know named Bubba loopy ..CLICK ME TO SEE ME.. What I had seen last week was a dad that had not really been in his child’s life and made an appearance basically cause he is at rock bottom and I think just wants to try and make himself feel better with false promises and not an intention to change whatsoever .. Thing is my wife has a friend with 2 kids who’s father is just a dead beat who pays 40 bucks every 6 months for support.. Well all the sudden he was in the hospital wanting to go to rehab and he called the wife’s friend.. Talking about how he wants to be in the kids life ( the older of the 2 kids is his and she is just as ignorant as her dad and she is 6 ) So my wife and I go hang out with them.. Well he is 38 and all he talked about to me was drugs and getting F’d up.. He reminded me of myself when i was 21 talking to someone trying to impress them and thats what he was doing at age 38.. Then he goes with my wife’s friend and steals a cd while the kids where with him.. All I want to say is some dead beat dads are better off staying the fuck outta their kids life all this guy is going to do is teach his child that doing wrong is okay as long as u dont get caught.. What that kid needs is a good step dad and her real dad to move on out.. He is homeless too by the way..and a pill head and alcoholic.. My point is this he called talking about doing better but turns around and steals shit and still get’s F’d up and in front of the kids and he is not doing or making an effort to do better.. I can not stand people like him they are the ones that make the prison system the way it is because he will never get better … The best thing that could happen to that 6 year old is for her Dad to die and for her ma to meet a good step daddy.. I sound harsh but I just think that that kid is messed up enough and now tis jerk is gonna fuck her up worse.. I never cuss in my blogs but this guy makes real Dad’s pissed ..
If you are one of these kind of dads DO NOT FOOL YOUR SELF INTO THINKING ALL THE SUDDEN TO BE A DAD JUST GET LOST STAY AWAY LET THE KID ALONE YOU KNOW AAS WELL AS I YOU ARE COMING AROUND FOR YOU NOT FOR THE SAKE OF A KID YOU ABANDONED 6 YEARS AGO.. SO I SAY HEY dummy GO FUCK YOUR SELF
- Judge William Adams Should Fry Along With All the Other Child Abusers in the World. (bonjupatten.wordpress.com)
- Nick Jonas Is A Dead Beat Dad!?! (perezhilton.com)
Since I have got my writings public my style has changed up a little bit.. The thing is I did not do that on purpose, but I suppose the purpose was I felt a certain kind of way about the style or I just have changed and with my change came a change of style.. The old style was sort of just thoughts i was having after being released and those thoughts were kind of dark cause it was the way I was looking at the world at the time .. Since I have been with Cara and having a step daughter I view it differently .. But I do miss that raw style.. Not that my work is not raw it is it just has more organised ways about it.. More of a plan when I start.. I do not like that as much but I do not want to purposely change my style since the change came kind of with out me noticing .. Now that I am conscious of my change in style maybe i can go in a new direction or the old one will return.. Anyway with the start of my new thing video blogging I bet a change is in order
So happy reading and lets hope a change is gonna come .. lol thanks all
HEY YA’LL CLICK THE WORD WISDOM UNDER THIS SENTENCE TO SEE MY FIRST VIDEO BLOG
- First Attempt at Video Blogging (whereintheworldismattandnikky.wordpress.com)