In a year

January 19, 2012 at 1:07 pm 3 comments

Many things can happen in a year.. At this time last year my ass was locked up in prison.. I had no clue that one year later i would be married and living where I am now.. This year has been awesome.. I have learned many lesson, I have also wrote many feelings down and made a book in the tune of a journal .. My outlook or I guess you could say the way I look at life is completely different from the way I looked at it 1 year ago today.. 

My father leftt the earth a year ago on november the 27 th sad day .. But he was sick all caused by his love affair with cocaine.. You see I always loved my dad cause he was a kind-hearted man  treated every one good.. He was irritable but who isn’t these days.. he loved to party and when i got older I loved hearing him talk about the 70’s I miss him so much it’s not funny..

 He died while I was in prison So I never got to say bye.. I wonder how much of an effect that had on me.. You see I blocked it .. I pushed it away , hid it inside.. That was how I dealt with it.. I started writing and it helped but back to a year ago.. Today is the  19 of January well actually the 19th of January last year I was out lol.. I been out for a year now lol… But I was only 9 days free January 19 2011 I was 9 days free and let me tell u this I was probably more scared than I was going to prison.. I spent 4 years there well a little less than that but I am not gonna break it down in days , but in the same breath I want to be honest. It was hard for me because crowds bothered me and so did girls :-O reason being———>>>> I was scared of them I felt ugly for one for two I was around nothing but men for 4 years and I just felt judged and not up to par for the ladies.. I WAS MISERABLE !!!!  I just felt so damn ugly .. I hated it I felt smarter than most but it’s a way of life and ppl had not the respect for one another I was used to and it bothered me that these ppl just were so rude .. I was self conscious as well .. I JUST FELT WEIRD it was hard to talk and I had moved to Baltimore and I didn’t have to many friends only family..

POINT BEING ???? I had faith.. I kept praying and moving along with life.. I did not want to hurt my family by going back so I had to figure out how to make money the legal way.. Also the thing is to i felt so alone even though I was living with my G dad I was so lonely I had come through it all though.. I did the right thing.. I do understand now why ppl go back to prison over and over again.. YOU WANNA KNOW WHY ???? It is easier to do the wrong thing than the right.. Its easier in there than outhere if you are tough..  But don’t give up stay true and stay out.. Those words is what I kept saying and damn it I made it.. I love life I love my wife and If you keep at it keep trying you will make it  

So come on ppl stop the crazy stuff get right with your inner being .. JAH lives inside u

TALK TO HIM  !!!!!!  HE WILL NOT FAIL U

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just today…:-P Stay the F out than !!!

3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. sandrabranum  |  February 2, 2012 at 5:52 pm

    Sometimes it’s hard to be strong enough to do the right thing with all the negative peer pressure around. I spend time alone because that way I don’t have to worry about being social, but that’s not right either. Thanks for subscribing to my blog. Sandra

    Reply
  • 2. Ed Griffin  |  January 19, 2012 at 6:27 pm

    And staying out, as you suggest, is the best way to defeat the prison industrial complex. You are one less customer, maybe even one less job
    Ed

    Reply
  • 3. Ed Griffin  |  January 19, 2012 at 6:24 pm

    Wonderful post. Thank you. I am glad you are writing. Writing has saved my life and my sanity and has taught me who I am. That’s why I teach it in a federal prison.
    Ed

    Reply

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