through my eyes

30 January, 2012

Can you believe that it is almost February .. I have been out a little over one year .. The last time it was only 76 days before I had gotten arrested again.. Life is like that sometimes … Things change with lessons learned.. I am glad though that this time I tightened up and did the right thing.. What is the right thing though really what is it ? For me it is doing the righteous thing.. The path that cause the least pain for everyone involved.. You know the Golden Rule is the way I go..It just feels right inside and I know that JAH wants me to do good by people .. Not to harm anyone especially the poor sick and weak.. The meek another words… By doing that which is what I call the right thing I dwell in my higher being .. In what I beleive to be one aspect of the kingdom of JAH .. There is scripture about that … Go and buy the Gospel of Thomas .. It s not in all bible’s but It says that the kingdom is not a place but it is all around us all the time …..

I been
video blogging as well. I really enjoy it because I feel as though I am putting a bigger effort into getting what I think is a good message out there .. We are poor I am an X con trying to make it, hear our voices.. Not all people who were in prison are bad people .. I am not I am a man of the most high .. I would like to see me and mu people free from mental slavery.. I want my family to be happy.. Not with the happiness of the flesh but with spiritual happiness.. I really do not think that it is that hard to obtain.. once you start showing your neighbor true love than its like sports the more you practice the better you become at what ever you are playing.. With showing love it becomes a way of life and not the phony type you are used to seeing but true love.. You can still be your self and show love.. you can still joke around and be you but your heart is what changes .. For me when confronted with the choice to do wrong or what is right I can not help do what will not harm my neighbor ( physically or in spiritual ways ) .. Though sometimes I do hurt myself or the feelings of my wife.. But still .. Most times I do what is the best thing for this world today.. i am human and I do get angry and even revenge oriented but I still overcome those feelings in prayer .. Anyway people I hope all is well with you and till next time …DO ON TO YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE DONE NOT ONLY TO U BUT YOUR CHILDREN AS WELL…
PEACE !!

I have always believed in RASTAFARI ( Father of Jesus ) I taught the service in prison.. Prison made me grow up and grow in my faith .. and I just feel as though there is more for me to do for JAH.. I do want to clear something up, and that is when talking of the Rasta way of life a lot of people think of weed smoking dread locked ppl.. Not all true.. The Rasta way of life does not revolve around getting high.. Ganja has it’s purpose but it is not by any means necessary … There is many different faiths that claim the Rasta way of life so some Rasta’s follow Jesus’s teachings and some just see Hailie Selassie as Jesus where others think he is JAH himself.. I hold true that he was a man a KING that brought the bible to Ethiopia ( to his people in the language of his ppl ) in other words he brought the word of JAH to his country … I also believe Jesus’s personality was in Selassie and I know he reopened King David’s thrown when Jesus returns ..  Just like the Christian  faith I believe that Jesus died for my sins and his teachings lead to the kingdom.. There is many differences in me and christians .. I feel they do not dig deep enough and that they are real naive and that they as a ppl push more ppl away from JAH than  they bring to him a lot of their thoughts on GOD is in my thoughts not correct kinda like them thinking that Jesus and JAH are one in the same .. READ the new testimate that should tell you the truth read the things Jesus says .. 

being an xcon it is harder to make it out in this world but I will not fail.. I like I said earlier and bringing my life to you .. You will see what I see literally and hear what I have to say about things..

To see A DAY IN THE LIFE OF AN X CON DADDY  STRUGGLING TO MAKE IT than click the link below that says

THE GOSPEL OF AN X CON 


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February 1, 2012 at 11:29 am Leave a comment

Snitching really !!

I just made a blog on snitching which I think is lower than thieving because you are not taking responsibility for your own actions you are getting somebody else in trouble for personal gain.. Now even lower than a snitch is what I was speaking about in my video blog..  A LIEING SNITCH And a lieing snitch is a person who makes something up tells someone in authority the lie to get you in trouble, lose your job , or simply make you look bad..  My wife and I crossed one of these idiots in our work and that is what my video blog SNITCHING  is all about .. Now as an x con  i can not stand a tattle tale I even teach my step daughter about that.. Take responsibility for your own actions.. I really have a great life with moments of struggle.. Do u know that struggles make u stronger.. The lord JAH lets me go through times of hardship to teach me things .. or to test .. I lean on him.. Did you know that it is more important to lean on JAH when things are good than bad.. Yeah cause that shows you love him not just need him.. The blog is kind of boring cause I just rant about adumb ass guy that tried to steal my route .. In my past and if i was in prison even though i am a great man of God I would have stabbed that guy for what he did but I can not here free but let me tell you I may be  a man of God but God knows we will never be perfect so he wants us to strive for balance not perfection .. I would have tried to kill him cause by doin g what he did free to my wife and I if he would have done that locked up and I did not react I would have been labled a punk and I would have had a terrible time.. IN PRISON I WOLD HAVE CUT HIS THROAT  THAT IS WHY THIS BLOG IS IMPORTANT … AND CLICK THIS LINK TO SEE IT    LINK 

THINK ABOUT THAT PPL

January 29, 2012 at 11:00 pm Leave a comment

Stay the F out than !!!

You have all these dumb people complaining about prison , but they keep going back. They are the fools that make laws tougher .. The same one’s that say OO they do this and that to us in prison I say stay the F out dumy … That is what my latest video blog is about .. Well I have another one right here that is just a little of me speaking on something just having fun…click on this sentence to watch it its just a fun one .. But back to the point..Prison is punishment not club MED..  The things that go on in prison suck.. But when you get out and turn around and do things that put you in jeopardy of going back than YOU ARE AN IDIOT .. It is stupid to just keep doing the same things over and over again..  Plus your hurting your family by going back and your life is being sucked away .. I know what the deal is though and I did not touch on this in the video part which is right here    ( LINK TO STAY THE F OUT THAN )   but some ppl love prison .. YEAH they love it there I am not talking about old guys that their family has died since they been there but younger guys… You see they love it there because at home in the FREE WORLD they have to fend for them-selves.. With eating and smoking and they don’t have a good life in the street.. They would rather be in prison than free.. They can get a little job , they have free health care and dentist care they are fed .. On the streets they are getting hi they are broke and hungry.. They have no structure so they fail, in prison they have that structure.. In prison they are somebody on the street they are trash..  It is sad but true.. They make friends there and just don’t want to leave.. Some of the Gang members just love that Environment they have power in prison and most get in the gangs in prison so at home they are back to being a no body !!!  And they are the ones complaining the most.. You know why they say it themselves ” This is my home   and “I’m a grown ass man ” but are they !! ??? they need someone ( the prison system ) to take care of them.. So that is why they complain they know they are coming back or never leaving 

JUST SAYING !!!

January 26, 2012 at 3:39 am 1 comment

In a year

Many things can happen in a year.. At this time last year my ass was locked up in prison.. I had no clue that one year later i would be married and living where I am now.. This year has been awesome.. I have learned many lesson, I have also wrote many feelings down and made a book in the tune of a journal .. My outlook or I guess you could say the way I look at life is completely different from the way I looked at it 1 year ago today.. 

My father leftt the earth a year ago on november the 27 th sad day .. But he was sick all caused by his love affair with cocaine.. You see I always loved my dad cause he was a kind-hearted man  treated every one good.. He was irritable but who isn’t these days.. he loved to party and when i got older I loved hearing him talk about the 70’s I miss him so much it’s not funny..

 He died while I was in prison So I never got to say bye.. I wonder how much of an effect that had on me.. You see I blocked it .. I pushed it away , hid it inside.. That was how I dealt with it.. I started writing and it helped but back to a year ago.. Today is the  19 of January well actually the 19th of January last year I was out lol.. I been out for a year now lol… But I was only 9 days free January 19 2011 I was 9 days free and let me tell u this I was probably more scared than I was going to prison.. I spent 4 years there well a little less than that but I am not gonna break it down in days , but in the same breath I want to be honest. It was hard for me because crowds bothered me and so did girls :-O reason being———>>>> I was scared of them I felt ugly for one for two I was around nothing but men for 4 years and I just felt judged and not up to par for the ladies.. I WAS MISERABLE !!!!  I just felt so damn ugly .. I hated it I felt smarter than most but it’s a way of life and ppl had not the respect for one another I was used to and it bothered me that these ppl just were so rude .. I was self conscious as well .. I JUST FELT WEIRD it was hard to talk and I had moved to Baltimore and I didn’t have to many friends only family..

POINT BEING ???? I had faith.. I kept praying and moving along with life.. I did not want to hurt my family by going back so I had to figure out how to make money the legal way.. Also the thing is to i felt so alone even though I was living with my G dad I was so lonely I had come through it all though.. I did the right thing.. I do understand now why ppl go back to prison over and over again.. YOU WANNA KNOW WHY ???? It is easier to do the wrong thing than the right.. Its easier in there than outhere if you are tough..  But don’t give up stay true and stay out.. Those words is what I kept saying and damn it I made it.. I love life I love my wife and If you keep at it keep trying you will make it  

So come on ppl stop the crazy stuff get right with your inner being .. JAH lives inside u

TALK TO HIM  !!!!!!  HE WILL NOT FAIL U

January 19, 2012 at 1:07 pm 3 comments

just today…:-P

What can you do .. We deal with what we are handed .. That is life..  No video blog today for me.. I was not feeling to well today because I missed my dose for my methadone.. It builds in your body so I was not like super sick but I was not feeling to good.. No matter if my blogs bring the government any idea’s to make the poor’s life better or at least see that we struggle .. Even if it does not let the police or people like that see an x con can make it or that he is making an effort.. If they never notice but I helped one just one person than my mission was worth it..

I needed prison it made me better , it made me be able to deal with ignorance better than I would have.. My ethics concerning just about everything has improved..I see that life style is really a joke.. I mean not for some ppl but I felt like a  joke because drug dealing is not my thing it does not fit me.. It is not me and when u are not who u are YOU ARE A FOOL PLAIN AND SIMPLE A FOOL .. I learned that if u are not being you than you are a fool a damn fool.. I do not know what I could do to help anyone but JAH knows.. I would really like to do his work I really do.. I just know not what it is for me to do.. But JAH does and I trust in him. I believe that there is a job in JAH for me and I am lead to write so maybe he will use this talent in blogging to get his work out there ..

ANYWAY I feel like people are stealing papers from where we deliver cause they say we had people we missed when a good deal of the time I remember delivering there.. The things I miss about being in the drug game is excitement.. It was a cat and mouse game and I loved it.. I was good at it.. But I lost a couple times and I had to stop playing. The times I lost I lost big so I can not go back I’d be history if I got in trouble again.. It took the police a long time an dthan it was the oher county that got me by a damn mishap but It is what it is and I have a life that I would not give up for anything even to know I could sell drugs and never ger caughty I would keep my life now….

JUST SAYING

take a look at this articale  at the bottom its good !!

January 17, 2012 at 12:37 pm Leave a comment

Tires run a muck !!

THIS IS LYDIAH…. CUTE HUH I’D KILL THAT HOMELESS PUNK IF HE EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT HURTING HER

Ha ha what the world needs is a good laugh.. I tell u what,, I love life.. In my video blog of the day I am visiting my dad at the graveyard he is at .. It came to pass that we needed tires for our car.. For a rich person or one with credit its not that big of a deal but for us we have a credit card that is maxed out and no money so we had to get it from my wife’s family.. Mine paid for our other stuff.. But we are hurting ( the poor and middle class) and what is being done ? Nothing but raised taxes on gas and these ppl in government wanting to cut funding rather than raise taxes on the ones that can afford it THE RICH WHY SHOULD WE SUFFER they can pay more taxes and they would not even notice but 10 dollars hurts me and I have a 3 year old to feed
just saying…

There is a homeless man  that was in the paper for being homeless, he was in the store when I was in there with my child ( step kid but ya know ) and he was holding the paper up and being all blah blah blah.. well he needed a couple of dollars so he got it .. I was speaking to him being nice and all but when I was walking home he was behind my daughter and I … I did not like that cause he was up to something.. I would have killed him if he tried something like robbing us after I was nice to him.. I know he was thinking something.. So Lydiah and I acted like we were jogging.. and I picked Lydiah up and jogged then I was in the light and waited to see if it was him cause a I had just heard his voice calling me and I new it was him and it was.. So Lydiah and I stayed hidden and I took her home ..

It worries me because I would have cut his throat if he would have cause my step daughter any kind of negative vibes y him being violent.. that was the first time I have been scared in a long time.. I was worried about Lydiah’s well-being

Anyway here is the link to the video on my blog now if you do not see it scroll down and look for it I have it labled .. The video is on my google plus page since i can not embed it on here ( this sentence is the link silly goose ) 

January 16, 2012 at 2:06 am Leave a comment

A cry for attention I think so Young kids and suicide

I have read on thoughts way to many young people talking of killing there selves and I wonder if some are just a cry for attention.. I know at least one that is not and i read her stuff a lot but she too is young and I wish she did not feel the way she did ..

But the others not all I am sure but most.. Come on get off it.. You are not that depressed .. Look at what you have it is stupid to be whining and crying if you are that bad off …GET SOME HELP.. WE ARE NOT YOUR SCHOOLS GUIDANCE COUNCILOR.. Or get your self right with JAH in whatever manner suits you .. But come off  the I just cut my wrist crap and the oo I have it so ruff as you blog from a brand new I pad that mommy and daddy got you 

JUST SAYING  

January 9, 2012 at 2:42 am 3 comments

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